Something Horrible

I don’t know what’s more Horrible: me being at home alone on a Saturday night, the prepackaged gluten free cookie I just ate or this Lifetime movie.

It doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I’m going to watch that Lifetime movie tonight at 9pm and I’m going to liveblog through it.  You know you love it.

I haven’t posted about it yet because I haven’t been able to articulate exactly why I had such a great time in New Orleans. It’s not really as simple as, “oh, I met some people and went to a party and drank with them”… But then again, this is Something Horrible, so my “complicated reasons that I had a good time” are not going to be very complex at all.

I’ll get my thoughts together tonight because there are a few stories that I want to tell. Until then, look at the NOLA set on Flickr.

This trip to New Orleans is absolute freedom for me. I get giddy when I think of it. I’m going to explore a city on my own for a few days and be on my own schedule and obey only my own mind. I’ve never done a solo vacation before. Woo hoo!

I’ve got a list of places to go from my friends, I’m staying in a nice hotel, and I’m going to bring my camera and take tons of pictures. First up for Friday is to hit Acme Oyster Bar after I check into the hotel. Of course, before I leave the hotel I’m going to have a bloody mary. They make really, really good bloody marys (with pickled string beans!) at that hotel. And of course, I’ll Tweet until my thumbs cramp up.

Very exciting.

It’s close to Valentine’s Day, kids, and I definitely have something horrible up my sleeve for that.  But since I’ve been thinking about V-Day, I’ve become a little el-depresso.  I’ve got some questions that I don’t think anyone really KNOWS the answers to.  And I don’t want opinions.  I want to climb the highest mountain and find the Love Mathematician so she can tell me the Truth - the absolute, positive, not-to-be-debated answers to these questions:

1) So, this “The One” concept.  Is there really only ONE person who will fit your life?  Because I don’t believe that.  My question is really: how many “The Ones” do you get?

2)  When do you realize someone is one of The Ones?  Is it instant?  After a few weeks or months?  Can you give me a timeframe? Does it gradually grow over a year or more?  How long does one wait?

3) What does it feel like when you have this realization of one of The Ones? I’ve had some pretty intense feelings for people in my life but does it feel like a blow to the head? (I’ve also suffered a severe blow to the head)

4) Do I really care about this?  Is this whole thing a Marketing Ploy by every jewelery, luxury goods and chocolate company in America?

Up soon:

A Horrible Guide to VD (that’s Valentine’s Day to you)

When I lived in Philadelphia I suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I’m not going to tell you what all of my symptoms were (none were very funny so I won’t bother), but I will tell you about this one.  I had a thing that I had to do every day on the bus on the way to work.

Each day when the bus crossed 13th street, I had to lift my feet off the bus floor and hold my breath.  “Why?”, you ask.  Well… CLEARLY something horrible would happen to me if I didn’t, Silly.

So, going to bars a lot and being all crazypants.  That’s how I spent my years in Philadelphia.  And people wonder why I love that city*.

* I do love that city.  That wasn’t sarcastic for a change.

I tweeted last week about watching the documentary series on PBS called “This Emotional Life”.  It was all about the pursuit of happiness and all of the things that either help us become or stop us from being Happy.  This topic is very near and dear to me (as it should be to you too, actually) since I’ve been (sometimes fruitlessly) pursuing happiness for the past 6 months with an almost religious fervor.

There were three parts to the documentary.  Part One was about Relationships (family relationships, friendships and romantic relationships - that part was Horrible, hilarious, sad and hopeful all at once, but more on that some other time), Part Two was about anxiety disorders and depression (o, hai, documentary about me!) and Part Three showed people as they took matters into their own hands and did anything they could to get Happy.  They talked about therapy, self-help and life coaching things in Part Three .  And talked quite a bit about the Authentic Happiness program at the University of Pennsylvania.  You can read all about it yourself here because I don’t feel like recapping everything except for this bit: according to their research one becomes increasingly happy the more one is doing things that play to one’s specific strengths.  And (now we’re getting to the point of today’s post) they conveniently have a 204-question quiz on the site that will help you determine yours.

Brilliant! I thought.  Maybe this quiz can show me what career I should be doing!  Then I’ll be Rich and Happy!  Yes, this is what I thought as I began the quiz (a funny aside here, I had already taken this quiz in 2006 but completely forgot about it; when  I registered for the site, I wound up at my old profile… weird).  So. My strengths?

My top strength: Capacity to love and be loved

My 2nd strength: Humor and playfulness

My 3rd strength: Curiosity and interest in the world

4th and 5th: Appreciation of beauty and excellence and Fairness, equity, and justice **

NONE of these strengths are anything practical like… “strategic thinking about advertising” or “leadership” or “math”.  This quiz did not make me Happy.

But then I started thinking… I may not have gotten any insight into what dream career would make me enough money to retire in the Seychelles after a rewarding 20 years on the job but I guess I’m really lucky anyway.  If my top strength is the capacity to love and be loved, then really all I need to do to have happiness and joy in my life is spend time with friends and family and cultivate those relationships (something I don’t do very well when I’m suffering an acute phase of depression).  Also, I think a lot of people out there have a lot of trouble loving and being loved but for me it’s 2nd nature.  I’d rather have that in my life than anything else.

There’s nothing very Horrible in this post, sorry.  But if it amuses you at all, I can tell you all about how I visited my friend at the U Penn campus one time 10 years ago and wound up almost getting killed in a crazy cab driving incident…

** Interestingly these are the same exact results that I got in 2006.

Instead of posting my New Year’s resolutions I’m going to list my 2010 Intentions.  This way you can’t make fun of me for breaking a resolution… because they’re just INTENTIONS.

I intend to:

1. Achieve financial security and freedom
2. Finish a few races (the first is on March 28th)
3. Finish the comic book I’m writing
4. Get a raise (hint, hint to anyone who’s reading from HR)
5. Take a full two-week vacation to Someplace (London/Paris, Spain, surfing anywhere… these are on my list of possibilities)
6. Keep my expectations high when it comes to relationships (romantic and otherwise; when one does not have any expectations, one often just accepts any and all bullshit)
7. Keep everyone ELSE’S expectations of ME low (in relationships and elsewhere… because I’m lazy and a hypocrite)
8. Get some side businesses up off the ground.
9. Get some ideas for side businesses
10. Go see some great bands play live

Because I cannot bear to list what I’ve learned this decade (too too much has gone on since The Year 2000, it’s horrifying to face), here’s the rest of what I learned in 2009:

1. How a concussion works
2. That walking pneumonia is more common than one thinks
3. That broken hearts are hideous but they remind you that your heart actually works (in case you were feeling numb)
4. That my dad is a huge fan of Oprah
5. That it doesn’t pay to ignore Suze Orman’s financial advice (ha! no pun intended)
6. That Hoboken hates me as much as I hate it
7. That no matter how much a hair stylist insists that they “know how to cut curly hair” they do not and that it’s worth the extra $ and time to go get a cut in a professional curly-haired salon

And I think that’s it.

1. All kinds of things about gluten.
2. All kinds of things about NJ divorce law.
3. That getting a tattoo still hurts like a motherfucker
4. And that just because you tattoo “Keep Calm and Carry On” on yourself doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to be a mellow person.  Tattoos aren’t magic.
5. That being on a boat is the best thing ever.  Always try to be on a boat.
6. That one should never “just walk it off” if they hear something snap in their ankle.
7. What the 12 Steps actually are.
8. That traveling alone is not scary.  It is an Adventure!
9. To always visit amusement parks with a slightly altered consciousness. (I am not advocating anything illegal at all.  I obey the law!)
10. That a good dinner can be like good sex and I can find true love with a good creme brulee.